St. Bile's Big Mistake

Humpty Dumpty: (Bile bumps him from behind) Oh, remember the steps, mate! (He screams sound like Principal Prickly in "Recess: School's Out" as he rolls, falls down a great height and his body cracked. Bile, horrified by Humpty Dumpty, lets out an even more blood-curling scream of his own as he screams sound like TJ in "Recess: School's Out". He backs away and slips on a soccer ball, which ricochets off the wall and beans him squarely on the face. He stumbles back onto a skateboard, slips, and lands on a pile of jacks. Crazed with pain, Bile runs around the room, squealing and holding his backside.)

Computerized Voice: (o.s.) Simulation terminated. Simulation terminated.

(Worklights flash on, flooding the room with light. Humpty Dumpty now revealed to be animatronic, put its pieces together, winds up, and resets. One wall of the bedroom starts to rise, revealing the bedroom to be just a set, a simulator where hedgehogs practice their scare tactics. Behind a control console sits an evaluator, Princess Akiko of Mikasa. Judging by her tone, she's been through this before.)

Princess Akiko of Mikasa: Alright, St. Bile, is it?

Bile: Uh, my friends call me Phlegm.

Princess Akiko of Mikasa: Uh-huh. St. Bile, can you tell me what you did wrong?

Bile: I fell?

Princess Akiko of Mikasa: No, no, before that. Can anyone tell me St. Bile's big mistake? Anyone?

(Princess Akiko of Mikasa addresses a panel of pathetic looking recruits, seated behind her. They stare back at her blankly.)

Hedgehog 1: (coughs)

Princess Akiko of Mikasa: (frustrated) Let's take a look at the tape. Here we go.

(Princess Akiko of Mikasa rewinds the tape, then plays it. On the monitor, Bile sneaks into the bedroom, leaving the door open. The image freezes.)

Princess Akiko of Mikasa: Right... there. See? The door! You left it wide open.

Hedgehogs and Bile: Oooh.

Princess Akiko of Mikasa: And leaving a door open is the worst mistake any employee can make because...?

Bile: Um... It could... Let in a draft?

Koonak: It could let in Humpty Dumpty.

(Koonak steps from the shadows.)

Princess Akiko of Mikasa: Oh! Koonak!

Koonak: There is nothing more toxic or deadly than Humpty Dumpty.