Stephen Hillenburg's Chaos

(CHOP! A cleaver chops through a piece of raw fish. This is Stephen Hillenburg, a top Metropolis eatery. A red octopus sushi chef prepares elegant meals as waiters waltz by with Sushi. When new customers enter the restaurant, the waiters all yell.)

Waiters: いらっしゃいませ! ("Irasshaimase!" - meaning "Welcome!")

(Mason and Violet are seated in a romantic booth, laughing.)

Violet: Oh, Mason, I've had a lot of birthdays - well, not a lot of birthdays, but this is the best birthday ever.

(Mason gazes dreamily at Violet. She grows self-conscious.)

Violet: What are you looking at?

Mason: Oh, I was just thinking about the first time I laid an eye on you, how pretty you looked.

Violet: (embarrassed) Stop it.

Mason: Your hair was long then.

Violet: Mm-hmm. I'm thinking about getting it cut.

(The two-headed bird-like pet dog looks panicked.)

Mason: No, no, I like it this length.

(The two-headed bird-like pet dog sigh in relief.)

Mason: I like everything about you. Just the other day, someone asked me who I thought the most beautiful monster was in all of Metropolis, and you know what I said?

Violet: (coy) What did you say?

Mason: I said...

(Behind Violet, Braden presses his face up to the window.)

Mason: Dad?

Violet: Braden?!

(Befuddled, Mason looks to the window. His father is gone.)

Mason: No, no, no. That's not what I was going to say. I mean, well, sure, he's handsome, if you like the big guy, he's big-boned.

Violet: Mason, you're not making sense.

Sushi Chefs: (e.g.) いらっしゃいませ!

(Braden appears at the table and sits down.)

Braden: Hi, guys! What a coincidence, running into you here!

(Braden awkwardly squeezes into the booth next to Mason, setting the gym bag under the table.)

Braden: Uh, I'm just going to order something to go.

Violet: (annoyed) Mason...

Mason: (through gritted teeth) Dad...

(Braden grabs a menu and whips it in front of his and son's faces.)

Braden: I wonder what's good here. Hmmm.

Mason: Get out of here. You're ruining everything.

Braden: I went back to get your paperwork and there was a door.

Mason: What?

(Mason peeks around the menu, grins awkwardly at Violet, then ducks back behind. Violet's starting to steam. Her two-headed bird-like pet dog screech in annoyance.)

Mason: A door?

Braden: (nodding) Tommy was in it.

Mason: Wait a minute. Tommy? (putting it together) That cheater, he's trying to boost his numbers.

Braden: There's something else.

Mason: What?

Braden: Ook-lay in the ag-bay.

Mason: WHAT?!

Braden: Look in the bag.

(Braden motions to the floor. Mason ducks under the table, but there's nothing there.)

Mason: What bag?

(Braden looks around frantically for the bag. Mason sees something that makes his eye go wide. Braden sees it too: The HL duffle bag is now giggling and hobbling away on little human kid-feet that poke out from the bottom of the bag.)

Braden: WHOOAHHH!! They don't have anything I like here. So, take care, Celia!

(Braden charges toward the bag, stumbling into a waiter.)

Violet: Mason, what's going on?

Mason: Violet, please try to understand!

(As Mason explains, he sees the bag tossed aside, revealing Boom.)

Mason: I gotta go to... (he dashes off.) DO SOMETHING!!!

Violet: Michael?

(An Italian-Japanese photographer is about to take a picture of a happy people couple.)

Photographer: (oust) Look happy. Okay, on three. One, two...

(The posing couple sees Boom pop up over the photographer's shoulder. They scream. The photographer looks up and sees Boom.)

Photographer: AAAAAAHHHH!!!! A KID!!

(The photographer's flash goes off, as the kid jumps onto the counter. Everyone in the restaurant turns towards Boom.)

Boom: (to the restaurant) Boo!

(Chaos ensues. Patrons scramble out the door, screaming)

Misc. Person: A kid!!!

(The sushi chef grabs a phone and dials.)

Sushi Chef: There's a kid here! A human kid!

(Boom runs carefree through the chaos in the restaurant, babbling. Mason runs headlong into a pile of takeaway boxes. Violet is caught up in the stampede of fleeing patrons.)

Violet: (calling out) Baby Panda!

(Braden tries to grab Boom, but she playfully evades his outstretched arms.)

Braden: Come on! Oh! Heh!

(Mason dashes in with a take-away box, which he uses to delicately scoop her up. Boom pops her head out of the takeaway box and sticks out her tongue at Braden.)

Boom: Pthbthbtht!

(Braden hesitantly pushes her head down into the box and shuts the lid.)

Braden: Come on!

(Braden and Mason run out of the restaurant, leaving the HL gym bag behind. Then they exit as patrons scramble.)

Mason: Let's get out of here!

(The Stormtroopers arrive in helicopters and vans.)

Stormtrooper #1: Please remain calm. This is not a drill.

Stormtrooper #2: We have an 835 in progress. Please advise.

Stormtrooper #3: Stand clear, please.

(People run amok, screaming. Violet calls after Mason.)

Violet: Mason? Mason!

(Mason spins around.)

Mason: Violet!

(The Stormtrooper steps in front of Violet and herds her away.)

Stormtrooper: Please come with me.

Violet: Ow, stop pushing!

(Mason starts towards her.)

Mason: Hey! Get your hands off, my honey-bunny!

(Braden grabs Mason and yanks him away.)

CDA Agent: Building clear. Ready for decontamination.

(Braden and Mason run down the alley.)

Mason: Well, I don't think that date could have gone any worse!

(BLAM!!! Behind them, a giant green plasma dome envelops the restaurant and glows ominously. Things just got worse.)